We’ve all found ourselves in uncertain, frightening, and surreal times. Like the vast majority of humans out there, I’ve struggled to disconnect from the collective panic, and to manage my own anxiety. I have found, however, two methods of thought that relatively ease my mind, and help me release (a teeny portion of) the tension in my shoulders; 1. Think very, very, very small. and 2. Think very, very, very, big.

1. Think small means think on a daily scale, and focus on what is in my control (me, and only me). This also translates to the simple desire to hear about the details of everyone’s day-to-day routines. I appreciate beautiful, comforting indications that life is indeed continuing on in quietly normal ways.
2. “Think big” is much more pertinent for the goings-on of this blog! I’ve found that shooting my mind beyond this period of panic (and beyond the expected period of grief, and beyond even the following renaissance of joy) to consider activities I want to work towards accomplishing when life returns to normal is enormously comforting. Writing about those hopes and intentions reminds me that life is larger than this current period.

To jump in, I recently read Bill Bryson’s A Walk In the Woods and thought a lot about my own long seated desire to embark on an epic hike. Really just any long meander would do. I still hope to one day experience life as a shepherdess, which is perhaps my true calling.

I’ve always been drawn to adventurous and romantic happenings, and the idea of just up-and-going to hike the Appalachian Trail, as Bryson did, or, even more alluringly for my mystically oriented mind, walking as a pilgrim on the Camino de Santiago in Spain, appeals to the same curious nature that motivated me to go traveling two years ago.

Now, despite my desire to thrust myself into some storied level of adventure by dramatically leaving all of civilization behind to reclaim my own true inner grit in the distant backcountry, I have no real desire to put myself in sincere danger out of a lack of foresight, knowledge, and outdoorsman skill. Luckily, I happen to be acquainted with not one, but two highly skilled, mountain climbing, nature enthusiasts!

I have long been plotting the most successful way to persuade these lovable and enthusiastic people to take me hiking, but my own foreboding guilt typically truncates the matter when I consider that I would be essentially, selfishly, asking the two of them to chaperone me while I search for transcendence in nature.

I would be remiss to omit that in addition to their experience, I would even more fully appreciate their presence and the happy bond of shared experience.

It’s just that while my outdoorsy companions embody pragmatism and sensibility, I, by nature, am inclined to veer into more fanciful mindsets, oftentimes to my own detriment. Not frequently (but often enough) I have found myself jogging through the woods, considering some far off scenario that serves as sufficient distraction from the burning in my lungs and legs, when I wander a bit too far into my own thoughts, momentarily forget the trail, and run clear off the path (habitually into a tree). Instances such as these serve as little red flags for when I consider embarking on a hiking quest all by my lonesome. It would not do to be so far into my head I accidentally commit some grave hiking error, and I know myself well enough to realize that the likelihood of such an event is (sadly) probable.

In the tale of our journey through the woods, I would be the bumbling, good-natured companion who means well, but upon any slight disturbance in the scenery would likely yelp and bolt blindly off the path. Knowing that, how can I in good faith ask two humans quite dear to my heart to set off into the wilderness with me (a liability)?

To pivot towards a more realistic goal, the notion of walking the El Camino in Spain appeals to me primarily because of its historical status as a literal pilgrimage. (Also because I do not believe it requires as much technical skill as it does perseverance, which is always a major plus.)

Any scenario where the literal and metaphorical meet is a worthwhile endeavor in my opinion (see: my very first post, skydiving as the embodiment of a leap of faith). Considering pilgrimages as a general concept sends me happily down the path of; Well couldn’t anything become a pilgrimage with the proper mindset? Are we not all pilgrims? Could I not now set my own personal pilgrimage? Must it be a physical act? Could it be purely mental? And if even considering this walk inspires these thoughts, what would the act itself provoke?

Well, every goal begins with desire. And my desire to feel connected to nature, confident in my abilities to traverse any part of the earth’s surface, and instinctive curiosity towards just what will happen when I encounter a situation I have not encountered before? What would be revealed?, is present. So, like any other dream that appears far-fetched at the beginning, I must lasso the goal, and focus on slowly pulling it in. Whether that means familiarizing myself with the practicalities of backcountry hiking or moving myself into a financial position wherein I have the ability to begin saving for a flight to Spain has yet to be determined, but there is time to plan.